Thursday, January 6, 2011

01.02.2011 スポーツ王は俺だ!:フィギュア軍団と卓球対決 aka Ping-Pong with Figure Skaters!

Usually I don't bother with translating shows unless it's specifically been asked, but there seems to be a lot of unnecessary misunderstanding and racially-driven anger brewing over this particular episode. It would probably be a better idea to catch up with the usual things I watch, but in the interest of doing my small part to keep the figure skating world somewhat civil...

Please do not repost without permission.



Narrator: Ping-pong match! Tunnels vs. Shuzo Matsuoka with the "Figure Skating Army"!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer):
This is the traditional Tunnels' "I Am the King of Sports!: Ping-Pong Match"! They are already getting all worked up! So, you two are called the "Kings of Ping-Pong of the Entertainment World," and again this year you will face some fateful competitors.

Noritake Kinashi: So this is not the one where we start out with a word-chain game, right?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): No, it's not. That is not the plan.

Noritake Kinashi: That's right. I know because we do this every year.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Actually, you two have never won one of these ping-pong matches.

Takaaki Ishibashi: What?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Yes, in fact that is true. Even though you are called the "Kings of Ping Pong of the Entertainment World"...

Takaaki Ishibashi: That's because partway through, the staff (for the show) will introduce weird rules...

Noritake Kinashi: Oh like giving (their opponents) weird pans! It's because they make it all New Years' special-like!

Takaaki Ishibashi: If they let us do things normally, we will definitely win.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): I see. You're confident of this?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Yes.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Well then, let's go ahead and welcome today's opponents!

(Battle cry...?)


Shinji Yoshino (Announcer):
Through the white smoke has entered the Tunnels' fateful opponent, Shuzo Matsuoka, with the "Figure Skating Army"! Vancouver Olympics Silver Medalist, Mao Asada, and Daisuke Takahashi! Miki Ando, Nobunari Oda, Takahiko Kozuka, all striking poses! With Shuzo Matsuoka in front they have entered (the studio)! What a lineup! Wow, this--(Takaaki Ishibashi starts whacking Shuzo Matsuoka on the knee)--and he's off, he's off! Right away he's off! He went in to aim at Shuzo Matsuoka's old knee injury!

Shuzo Matsuoka: I just had treatment yesterday!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): So this means you know all about his injuries. He will really be a fateful opponent.

Shuzo Matsuoka: This time... this is my favorite sport. "Figure Skating Army," thank you!

Takaaki Ishibashi: So cool!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Thank you very much! How extravagant (to have such guests)!

Narrator: A silver medal at the Vancouver Olympics, she who launched a revival at the year-end Nationals: Mao Asada. Japan's first male Olympic medalist, World Champion: Daisuke Takahashi. She who won Nationals for the first time in six years: Miki Ando. 2010 Grand Prix Final Silver Medalist: Nobunari Oda. First-time National Champion: Takahiko Kozuka! They who represent Japan, a splendid figure skating team, come together to create a miracle (to beat Tunnels)!

Shuzo Matsuoka: We've competed against each other before, but all--

(Takaaki Ishibashi whacks Shuzo Matsuoka on the knee)


Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The second time today! The sound of the whack rang through (the studio).

Shuzo Matsuoka: Even though I'm retired I don't want to get surgery... I've never lost (to them).

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): That's right.

Takaaki Ishibashi: But, you know, is this okay? I mean, everyone's still a child! They're like, students on a class trip! I mean, I saw them get off this weird bus!


Shuzo Matsuoka: Not at all! I mean, (Mao) turned 20...

Takaaki Ishibashi: Oh, Mao-chan turned 20, right?

Mao Asada: Yes.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Congratulations (Happy Birthday)!

Noritake Kinashi: Congratulations!

Mao Asada: Thank you.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): So with regards to ping-pong--how good are you?

Mao Asada: So-so.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): So-so?

Takaaki Ishibashi: I mean everyone's still like a child!

Noritake Kinashi: Wait, wait, speaking of children, Oda-kun--

Shuzo Matsuoka: Right, right! Congratulations!

Noritake Kinashi: Congratulations!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Oda-kun, you became a father?

Nobunari Oda: Yes (on October 1, 2010).

Takaaki Ishibashi: A boy or a girl?

Nobunari Oda: A boy.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Oh, right, how you debated whether to name him Nobunaga?

Nobunari Oda: No, no, I didn't worry about this.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Wow, so you're a father. Your shoelace is broken.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): So this is a psych-out! The psych-outs have started!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Miki-san, please say something to them. (Miki Ando just laughs) So everyone, how is your ping-pong?

Noritake Kinashi: There isn't a ping-pong table at the training center?

Miki Ando: Oh, there's one in Russia!

Mao Asada: Yes, I played in Russia.

(everyone starts repeating "Russia")

Shuzo Matsuoka: Russia. Yes, they're international.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Right, right, right. But they're kids!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): No, they're top athletes!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Still, things will change when it comes to ping-pong. They will show a side of themselves they don't show on the ice.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Shuzo, why are you sweating? In just this opening (of the episode)!

Narrator: After this, the matchup will turn into the biggest see-saw game ever!


The rules are for a single 21-point game doubles match. The figure skating team can change their playing members at any time, at Shuzo Matsuoka's discretion. Either member of both teams can hit the serve or rally.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): So, Shuzo-san, with which pair will you start?

Shuzo Matsuoka: To start--feel the World!--Mao! Daisuke! Let's go!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Here we go--the medalists! They've come in as a pair! The Vancouver Olympics Silver and Bronze Medalists! Those two have stepped forward!

Daisuke Takahashi: Best regards.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Okay, to start with, he made those things (the name-paddles) himself, that man!


Shuzo Matsuoka: Opponents, opponents--you can't pay attention to your opponents.

Miki Ando: Good luck!

Nobunari Oda: Good luck!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Okay, the Tunnels will take the serve.

Noritake Kinashi: Okay, so the match will begin.

Miki Ando: I'm going to be nervous.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): And so it begins at last, this ping-pong match!

Daisuke Takahashi: I'm nervous!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Are you okay, Mao? That ring, is it okay (to play with)?

Mao Asada: I'm okay.

Takaaki Ishibashi: You're okay?

Shuzo Matsuoka: Pay attention, pay attention.

Mao Asada: Oh, right!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Pay attention, pay attention.

Takaaki Ishibashi: What is that, a present from your dad?

Shuzo Matsuoka: Pay attention, pay attention.

Mao Asada: I received it from a fan.

Takaaki Ishibashi: What? So you wear things you get from fans!

Miki Ando: The serve will come, Mao!

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's come! A surprise attack--they return it! This is--OUT! The figure skating team has taken the first point! Ishibashi's surprise attack was a failure.

Miki Ando: Don't forget your signature poses!

Mao Asada: Signature poses--

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's come! Aaah! This is dirty! Now this is dirty!

Mao Asada: The serve just now--the one just now, is it fair?

Noritake Kinashi: It's okay, right?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Referee Watanabe has given a point to the Tunnels! Ishibashi wins the point!

Daisuke Takahashi: That's bad!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Okay?

Mao Asada: Not fair!

Shuzo Matsuoka: So this is the real world, you see?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): That's right.

Shuzo Matsuoka: There's stuff like this all the time during matches!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels are sneaky!

Nobunari Oda: Either one of you can hit the serve, right?

Shuzo Matsuoka: Either, either one is okay.

Miki Ando: Mao, Mao--

Mao Asada: I'm nervous.

Shuzo Matsuoka: You're nervous, right? Please, think of those two as true enemies. I mean, niceness now is not allowed.

Daisuke Takahashi: Okay, no niceness allowed.

Shuzo Matsuoka: In figure skating, you don't compete (directly) with others, but this is a (direct) battle. Adopt a bad personality.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Okay, Asada's serve.

Takaaki Ishibashi: You changed coaches, right?

Mao Asada: Yes.

Takaaki Ishibashi: The same coach as Kozuka-kun--?

Shuzo Matsuoka: Okay, let's go let's go let's go.

Mao Asada: (to Takaaki Ishibashi) Yes.

Shuzo Matsuoka: You can't listen to him here--

Takaaki Ishibashi: --said for you to train.

Shuzo Matsuoka: The power not to listen--

(Mao Asada serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): A surprise attack from Asada! Takahashi returns it, Ishibashi also returns it! Oh! It's in! One point to the figure skating team! A surprise attack, as you saw, to Ishibashi! The figure skating team has come out with more skill than anticipated!


(Noritake Kinashi sends the ball to Mao Asada)

Mao Asada: Aaah!

Noritake Kinashi: No, no, no! No!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): No, this is wrong! This is wrong!

Noritake Kinashi: Serve, serve, serve!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer):Kinashi simply gently sent the ball to the figure skating team so they could serve. She's been unnerved by the Tunnels' immature surprise attacks!

Mao Asada: I was so surprised!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): She's become suspicious.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Together, now--so cute!

Mao Asada: I was so surprised... whew... I'm tired.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, the difference is a mere one-point difference! The match has just begun!

Mao Asada: It might be better if I hit the serve.

Daisuke Takahashi: Okay, just hit it.

Mao Asada: Because it's easy. (to the Tunnels) Please imitate me!

Shuzo Matsuoka: "Please!" She said it politely, so!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Triple jump.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Triple jump. Triple Axel!

(Mao Asada serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's come! In the midst of this the game has begun--out! Takahashi skillfully aimed towards Ishibashi's corner! Ishibashi can't react! Asada-Takahashi! This pair is displaying more skill than expected!

Noritake Kinashi: This is bad, this.

Nobunari Oda: Great, great!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice play!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Okay, I've started to wake up a little.

Miki Ando: Mao, Mao! The serve will come, okay?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Mao-chan, you don't have a boyfriend?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): And again, he tries a psych-out--

Takaaki Ishibashi: But they said that you should fall in love!

Noritake Kinashi: Love is important, isn't it?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Love is important.

Noritake Kinashi: It's January 2nd!

Tunnels: Yay~!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Love is important, isn't it?

Tunnels, Mao Asada, Daisuke Takahashi: Yay~!

Noritake Kinashi: We want her to fall in love!

Tunnels, Mao Asada, Daisuke Takahashi: Yay~!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Both teams have gotten into it!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Who does Mao-chan like, of those in the entertainment world?

Mao Asada: ...

Takaaki Ishibashi: ...

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Well, she's thinking!

Shuzo Matsuoka: She will not say!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's a tactic, it's a tactic!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Because it's our side's tactic.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Shuzo Matsuoka could not stand it and cut the conversation short.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Okay, this ends at 11 so let's do things quickly!

Tunnels: Yay~!

Noritake Kinashi: Okay!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's come! It's out! The figure skating team has a press conference scheduled at 11 (currently 10:20). The score is 3 to 2!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Is everything okay? Is everything okay? I wonder what kind of girl Takahashi-kun likes?

Miki Ando: Good luck, go!

Tunnels, Mao Asada, Daisuke Takahashi: Yay~!

Noritake Kinashi: Go on, tell us what type (of girl) you like.

Tunnels, Mao Asada, Daisuke Takahashi: Yay~!

Shuzo Matsuoka: You don't have to go along with them.

Noritake Kinashi: They're not really getting into this!

Tunnels, Mao Asada, Daisuke Takahashi: Yay~!

Noritake Kinashi: Maybe because it's the morning.

Tunnels, Mao Asada, Daisuke Takahashi: Yay~!

Takaaki Ishibashi: I wonder where Daisuke's hair was permed--

(Noritake Kinashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Whoa--out! One point to the figure skating team! They were not tricked by the Tunnels' tactics! So, to continue, it is now the "Figure Skating Army's" serve.

Miki Ando: Good luck!

Noritake Kinashi: We'll return it, we'll return it!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Mao Asada's serve!

Nobunari Oda: Good luck!

Miki Ando: Good luck!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Mao, you're Omron?

Miki Ando: You should bewilder them.

Mao Asada: Hello.

Tunnels: Hello.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's served! They return it--Kinashi also returns it, Asada--this is out!

Figure Skating Team: Nice try, nice try, nice try.

Miki Ando: It's okay, it's okay.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now it's becoming a good match!

Nobunari Oda, Takahiko Kozuka: It's okay, it's okay.

Miki Ando: Your smile, don't forget your smile!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, it's Asada's serve.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Mao-chan, this is it.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Is your sister doing well?


Mao Asada: Yes.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, will Mao-chan's serve...?

Mao Asada: She's there, she's over there.

Noritake Kinashi: Your sister came?

Mao Asada: She's back there. Over there.

Noritake Kinashi: Your sister--

Takaaki Ishibashi: Where is your sister?

Mao Asada: She's sitting in the back over there.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Sitting?

(Mao Asada serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Whoa, now it's Asada's surprise attack! Takahashi also returns--and a misfire from Kinashi! Now this is a bad miss for the Tunnels!

Narrator: From the start of this match, unbelievable strange play from the "Kings of Ping-Pong of the Entertainment World." Kinashi hit the ball not with his racquet, but with his thumb!


Shuzo Matsuoka: This is a bit of a surprise--what is this, nervousness?

Noritake Kinashi: Hah, I wonder if maybe the ball hitting my thumb came from nervousness!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Wow.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The figure skating team has a two-point lead! Can the Tunnels recover from Kinashi's mistake? Ishibashi's serve! Ishibashi, an unbelievable mistake on serve! Instead of recovering from Kinashi's mistake, he widened the point gap.

Takaaki Ishibashi: I'm becoming more awake!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Will the Tunnels continue to be left behind like this?

Miki Ando: It's because you don't focus.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Focus!

Noritake Kinashi: Focus!

Mao Asada: I wonder who's next.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Bring it, Chukyo University Chukyo (Campus)!!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): A fire has been lit in his Teikyo soul!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Teikyo soul!!



Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Ishibashi's serve! It's returned--what a return!

Mao Asada: Yay!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): What a great return from Asada! Ishibashi's Teikyo soul has incomplete combustion!

Miki Ando: Your signature pose, your signature pose!

Shuzo Matsuoka: That just now, really a nice shot. That just now--please, your signature pose!


Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Mao Asada's signature pose!

Mao Asada: Yay!

Shuzo Matsuoka: That shot, really amazing.

Noritake Kinashi: I'm jealous, it's a good mood on that side.

Narrator: And the Tunnels entered a hard fight against the medalist pair, with mistake after mistake. Bit by bit, the point difference grows wider...

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The score is 9 to 3!

Shuzo Matsuoka: You know, we have such a lead, I feel a little bad for the other side. So why don't we change players?

Mao Asada: Okay.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Because we're too strong.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It appears that there will be a change of players. Now, who--?

Mao Asada: I've started to get used to things a little.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Miki-san, please! Nobunari-san!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Well--they have come out with the Ando-Oda pair!

Chie Honma (Announcer): The two of you--how was it?

Daisuke Takahashi: I was nervous.

Mao Asada: I was nervous. In the beginning, I couldn't get used to things at all.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Oda-kun, you're a southpaw?

Nobunari Oda: I'm left-handed.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Really?

Nobunari Oda: Yes.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Ishibashi--is this another psych-out tactic?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Have you already held him?

Nobunari Oda: What?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Have you already held him, I mean it's already been two months, have you held him?

Nobunari Oda: Oh--yes. Yes.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Is he cute?

Nobunari Oda: Yes, he's cute.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Even here, he's gone ahead with a psych-out tactic.

Mao Asada: Good luck, good luck!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Do you think about making him a figure skater?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Oda must not get caught up (in these tactics) now. He cannot get pulled into this!

Nobunari Oda: Umm... if he himself wants to, yes.

Shuzo Matsuoka: (to Shinji Yoshino) It's because Oda-kun is nice...

Takaaki Ishibashi: If he himself says he wants to, I see.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Oda cannot let himself get pulled into this! Their makeshift tactics will use anything!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Indeed...

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The serve has come! The Tunnels have put on the pressure! They have put on the pressure!

Noritake Kinashi: Oda-kun, you'd better focus.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): This is the way the Tunnels, who have survived the rough waves of the entertainment world, do things!

Takaaki Ishibashi: I mean, Shuzo--

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's in! He returned it.

Miki Ando: It's in.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Ando also returns it--smash! Great smash from Ishibashi! With pure power, Ishibashi forced the ball through!

Narrator: The ball that Ishibashi hit so intensely skimmed the net and pierced through the opponents' side. Truly an attack for a comeback!


Takaaki Ishibashi: Yu-Na Kim!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Aah! Ishibashi--now, now, here!--has unleashed that Yu-Na Kim's pose!

Shuzo Matsuoka: You're slowly getting annoyed, aren't you?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Yu-Na Kim!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): And again! Again, the Yu-Na Kim pose! Will this ignite the figure skating team's competitive fire?

Shuzo Matsuoka: Don't hold back.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, Oda's serve--(Nobunari Oda serves)--it's sent to Oda, Oda sends it back! The score is 9 to 6!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Okay, okay, okay, it's okay.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The close contest continues! The Tunnels are slowly making a comeback!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Who was it, who was it--the other ladies representative at Vancouver?

Miki Ando: Do you mean Akko-chan?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Ak--what, what?

Miki Ando: Do you mean Akiko Suzuki-chan?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Right near the middle of Akiko Suzuki-san's free skate--


Nobunari Oda, Miki Ando: What? No, there isn't, there isn't!

(Shuzo Matsuoka starts singing)

Takaaki Ishibashi: From a musical, a musical--

Miki Ando: There isn't, there isn't!

(Shuzo Matsuoka keeps singing)

Shuzo Matsuoka: Okay, mambo!

Nobunari Oda: There isn't, there isn't!

Takaaki Ishibashi: There was, right?

Mao Asada: There was something, wasn't there?

Daisuke Takahashi: Yes, there was something.

Mao Asada: There was something, right? What was it?

Takaaki Ishibashi: What was it, from that musical...?

Daisuke Takahashi: Yes, there was something...

Miki Ando: West Side Story.

Takaaki Ishibashi: West Side Story!


Nobunari Oda: It wasn't like that!

Noritake Kinashi: Enough with the theatre!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Okay, the score is 9 to 6--the figure skating team leads by three points! Now, Oda's serve--it's in--Ando also returns it--net, and it's in! The Tunnels are slowly making a comeback! And here, Shuzo Matsuoka--

Shuzo Matsuoka: Next is... Daisuke! Taka-chan!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Shuzo Matsuoka can't help but change players! Here, two males--the Takahashi and Kozuka pair--have come forward!

Mao Asada, Nobunari Oda: Good luck! Good luck!

Noritake Kinashi: Taka-chan!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Kozuka-kun, you're called Taka-chan, right?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Kozuka-kun, are you good at ping-pong?

Daisuke Takahashi: Taka is good.

Takaaki Ishibashi: "Taka" is good?

Miki Ando, Nobunari Oda: Good luck! Taka-chan! Taka-chan!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Taka-chan! Okay--(Shuzo Matsuoka starts dancing)--Ta-ka! Ta-ka! Ta-ka!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Okay, a full-out attack has been launched! They return it! Takahashi goes--aah! Into the net!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Okay, okay, okay.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels have finally brought things to a one-point difference!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Okay, Taka Taka Taka Taka Taka!

Miki Ando: Good luck!

Takaaki Ishibashi: "Good luck, Taka-chan!" sounds like a cheer for me! We've been told to let you guys go by 11 no matter what, so we're going to attack and finish you off!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now it's Kinashi's serve! No matter what they want to tie the score!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Let's go.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Two balls came! What is this, what is this?! What was that?! Wait a minute--! Aah!

Noritake Kinashi: Two points! Two points! Two points!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): What was that just now?!

Noritake Kinashi: Give us two points for that! Give us two points! Two points! Two points!

Narrator: Using two balls at once--a drastic move that totally disregards the rules. And the ruling on Kinashi's gamble in order overtake the other team in one move is...

Noritake Kinashi: We just got two points now, two points!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): There were in fact two balls just now! A foul, a foul! A yellow card! The pair's attack is not approved! Oh, Ishibashi--with a gesture like Coach Brown's--protests the referee's decision!


Noritake Kinashi: You're not going to give us two points just now?

Takaaki Ishibashi: It won't come loose.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): However this is a yellow card and does not count.

Noritake Kinashi: I aimed for two points and made them, you know...

Takaaki Ishibashi: It's always "away," this place.

Miki Ando: Taka-chan, good luck!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, Kinashi, changing and renewing his mindset, serves!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Good!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's turning into a rally--smash! Kinashi's smash wins the point! The spirit and stubbornness of the "Kings of Ping-Pong of the Entertainment World" can be clearly seen! Kinashi, after an unbelievable yellow card, caught up to tie the score with a disguised smash!

Miki Ando: So he hit a smash.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels have at last tied!

Takaaki Ishibashi: What was it, the maejyuji?

Daisuke Takahashi: Yes.

Noritake Kinashi: Is it okay?

Takaaki Ishibashi: The maejyuji, that's painful...

Shuzo Matsuoka: It's not maejyuji, it's zenjyuji!

(Note: Zenjyuji is the Japanese term for the ACL. The character for "zen" can also be read as "mae," and Ishibashi was purposely misreading it to be funny.)

(Daisuke Takahashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): With Takahashi's injury as the subject matter, they attempt to psych out (the opponents)... It gets caught on the net, but is in. Good pickup, Kozuka! Whoa-ah! A comeback, a comeback!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice try, nice try.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels finally achieve a comeback!

Nobunari Oda: So close, so close!

Mao Asada: So close!

Miki Ando: Good luck!

Nobunari Oda: Good luck!

Narrator: The Tunnels, fired up by their comeback, accumulate points bit by bit and pull away from the "Figure Skating Army." Is this the ability of the "Kings of Ping-Pong of the Entertainment World"?

Shuzo Matsuoka: It's irritating, isn't it? Take this irritation--ladies, please.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, a player change here! Mao Asada and Miki Ando! The entrance of an extremely illustrious pair!

Noritake Kinashi: So you've come...

Takaaki Ishibashi: Mao-chan, of all of the things you've received, what is your favorite?

Noritake Kinashi: Let's go!

Shuzo Matsuoka: You can do it!

Noritake Kinashi: From Mao-chan... it'll come--(Mao Asada serves)--it came.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's in!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice hit!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Nice serve!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice serve!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Incredible serve!

Shuzo Matsuoka: There was even a slide on that, a slide.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Asada's skill is beyond expectations.

Miki Ando: (to Mao Asada and Shuzo Matsuoka) Wait, me?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): She is making some incredible serves!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Wait, so did you already graduate from college?

Miki Ando: One more credit left.

Takaaki Ishibashi: One more year.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, this pause--aah it's happened! Yu-Na Kim! Yu-Na Kim has come! Yu-Na Kim has suddenly jumped out!

Noritake Kinashi: Enough with that, enough!

Shuzo Matsuoka: If you could do like, Miki-chan...

Takaaki Ishibashi: Cleopatra?

Shuzo Matsuoka: Yes.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Mikitty's wearing a really nice watch, look... Isn't she wearing a really nice watch?


Noritake Kinashi: That might be--

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's come! It's returned, Asada also returns it--aah! It hits the net, for the Tunnels! Point for the Tunnels.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice try, nice try, nice try.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The score is 14 to 17!

Noritake Kinashi: All right, let's go...

Shuzo Matsuoka: (to audience) Isn't this a good team?

Miki Ando: I got it from my mother.

Noritake Kinashi: Your mother.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Your mother?!

Miki Ando: For my 20th birthday.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Right, because they're already 20.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Wow, wow--it's all shiny.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Miki, please don't take your eyes away.

Noritake Kinashi: By the way, Miki, we ran into each other once a long time ago in the parking lot of a furniture store, didn't we?

Miki Ando: Yes.

Takaaki Ishibashi: What, where?

Noritake Kinashi: Five or six years ago--

Miki Ando: Yes, we did!

Noritake Kinashi: Right, right, right?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Why? What furniture did you buy?

Noritake Kinashi: Uh, I don't know.

Miki Ando: I don't know.

Shuzo Matsuoka: You bought it yourself and don't know...?

Noritake Kinashi: You were there, right?

Miki Ando: Yes.

Noritake Kinashi: That's right, I suddenly remembered.

Miki Ando: I feel like my butt is sticking out.

Tunnels: Your butt? Your butt? Butt?

Shuzo Matsuoka: It's not sticking out.

Miki Ando: It just goes like this...

Shuzo Matsuoka: Don't worry, don't worry.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Do you have a senior-junior (hierarchical) relationship?

Miki Ando: Yes.

Mao Asada: Yes.

Takaaki Ishibashi: So Miki is the senior?

Miki Ando: In skating Mao is the senior.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Oh, it's like that?

Miki Ando: Yes.

Takaaki Ishibashi: If you met up in school, would you (bow to and) greet her?

Mao Asada: Well since we've been skating together from when we were little...

Miki Ando: We skated together at the same club from when we were little, and Skater Asada joined the club before I did, and...

Takaaki Ishibashi: Oh, so in that kind of relationship, do you greet her formally?

Noritake Kinashi: That's nice, senior-junior. Takaaki is also two years older than me, actually. (Note: They were actually in the same grade in high school, and are only 4 or 5 months apart.) What was it, you were left back twice?

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Takaaki Ishibashi: Takaaki has come!

Miki Ando: That's dirty!

Noritake Kinashi: Whoa!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Careful, that was close!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It has turned into a long rally! Ando is also in good form, Ando is good! Ando is good! Ando is also good! It has become a long rally! OUT! Point to the Asada-Ando pair! The figure skating team is hanging onto the (match against the) Tunnels!


Miki Ando: They're old, so I think it's better (for us) if we rally.

Takaaki Ishibashi: There's nothing we can do, they're too cute.

Shuzo Matsuoka: The other side will get nervous, so if you don't make a mistake, they will.

Mao Asada: Okay.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): So, the Tunnels have wiped away their sweat, and...

Takaaki Ishibashi: Vancouver~!


Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): This time, he is trying to provoke a response by imitating the Vancouver Olympics commercial!

Noritake Kinashi: Mao-chan, bring it!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Ma-o! Ma-o!

(Mao Asada serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's in! Ando also returns it--aah! And oh no, here--again, Yu-Na Kim!

Shuzo Matsuoka: It's annoying, it's not funny, is it. It's okay if you're annoyed.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer):
The Tunnels widen their lead.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Let's definitely win this point.

Miki Ando, Mao Asada: Okay.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Definitely win this point. Give it your all.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, they pick it up--out! Point to the figure skating team!

Tunnels: Come on, let's go.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, the Asada-Ando pair is making a comeback, a comeback.



Tunnels: Come on, let's go.

Yoshie Takeuchi (Announcer): Tunnels, fight!

Takaaki Ishibashi: New Takeuchi (entered TV Asahi in 2008).

Noritake Kinashi: Ah, New Takeuchi.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Old Takeuchi (Emi Takeuchi, entered TV Asahi in 1999) is on her honeymoon.

Noritake Kinashi: Now, in this season?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Yeah.

Noritake Kinashi: Wow, I see--that's nice. Heave-ho!

(Noritake Kinashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Ah--into the net. Into the net, so one point to the figure skating team!

Miki Ando, Mao Asada: Yay~!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The figure skating team is making a comeback! We still don't know (the outcome). Wow, wow! An incredible return! Ando has made an incredible return!

Takaaki Ishibashi: This is bad, this is bad.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's tied, it's tied! They have come back to tie!

(Miki Ando serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, this is also a rally--this is out!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice, nice, smile, smile.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels take the lead again.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Let's do this with a smile.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels will at last turn 50 this year.

(Mao Asada serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Stamina presents a challenge (to them)!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Be quiet, be quiet!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, can they keep up?

Tunnels: Be quiet, be quiet!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): They made it! It cannot be returned!

Tunnels: Be quiet!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Your commentary is annoying!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): They have arrived at match point.

Shuzo Matsuoka: But wow, amazing how they're playing so hard even at 50...

Noritake Kinashi: We're very sensitive about this, so don't talk about it too much!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, the Tunnels, match point--

Takaaki Ishibashi: Aw, after one more point we won't be able see Mao-chan and everyone anymore.

Noritake Kinashi: Match point!

Takaaki Ishibashi: I'm so sad, this is over in one more point!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels, will this become their first win?

Noritake Kinashi: Do you all want to have lunch at the Grand Hyatt?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Please take a picture with us later. I'll have my Yu-Na Kim pose all set.

Noritake Kinashi: In that case they might say they don't want to!

Shuzo Matsuoka: You're (figure skaters) annoyed now, right?

Takaaki Ishibashi: Mao-chan, have you ever been told that you look like a hina doll?

Mao Asada: No, I haven't.

Takaaki Ishibashi: No?

Noritake Kinashi: A cute hina doll.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Hina doll-face.

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The ball is returned! Ando also returns it. The rally continues! Nice! Ando's return misses! The Tunnels win! The Tunnels have amazingly defeated the "Figure Skating Army"!


Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Wait, Matsuoka here--

Shuzo Matsuoka: We would like you to let us play against you one more time.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Double Axel, triple toe loop...

Shuzo Matsuoka: They will express their desire to play one more time:









Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): How's this! A consolation match!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Is it really okay?

Takaaki Ishibashi: We have to go to Tsutaya, so...

Miki Ando: Please, let us play one more time.

Noritake Ishibashi: Well, okay--

Shuzo Matsuoka: And one more time, please!









Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): They've come, they've come, they've come! The figure skating team has come forward in a procession!

Noritake Kinashi: Okay, because you're super funny, okay.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Okay!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): A consolation match has been agreed upon!

Shuzo Matsuoka: The side who wins this, wins overall.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): I see.

Shuzo Matsuoka: The match between the Tunnels and the figure skaters--here!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Whoa! What's this, what's this?!

Noritake Kinashi: Shuzo, what are you doing, preparing something!


Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Something--whoa! What is this--an enormous ping-pong table has been wheeled out!

Takaaki Ishibashi: TV Asahi has brought out yet another weird table...

Noritake Kinashi: Yes, it's true...

Takaaki Ishibashi: What is this table!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, what are they planning to do with this enormous ping-pong table?


Narrator: The second round uses an enormous ping-pong table that is twice the size of a normal one. First to 11 points, and all five on the figure skating team can play at once and hit whenever they want. Now, what kind of match will this become?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, a special, irregular 5 vs. 2 match that uses an enormous ping-pong table! First to 11, the Tunnels to serve! Now, let's go!

Takaaki Ishibashi: It's no good, we have to aim for Kozuka-kun.

Noritake Kinashi: Please start things well!

Shuzo Matsuoka: It's good if you aim for the middle. There's no need to aim for difficult spots.

Takaaki Ishibashi: It's coming, Mikitty!

Nobunari Oda: Miki, good luck--

Shuzo Matsuoka: --good luck!

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Okay, this enormous ping-pong table--how will it go? The rally continues!

Miki Ando: Daisuke, go--

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): He goes for it! Out, out!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice try, nice try.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): He really went for it, Daisuke Takahashi!

Takaaki Ishibashi: You know...

Noritake Kinashi: This is fun.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Ishibashi's serve! (Takaaki Ishibashi serves) It's come! They (figure skaters) return it. The increased surface area allows the players to hit with more confidence.

Miki Ando: (to Mao) Don't worry about it.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice try, nice try.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels have a two-point lead!

Takaaki Ishibashi: On this New Year's, we adults apologize for playing against these children (in this manner). However, TV Asahi told us to do this, so it can't be helped.

Shuzo Matsuoka: Okay, you know what, if they're like this--let's win, seriously. I'm going to go bother the other side.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): This is the enormous ping-pong table that Matsuoka brought in, but the figure skating team has been unable to get a good sense of the table.

Takaaki Ishibashi: We're going to win anyway!

Noritake Kinashi: (to Shuzo Matsuoka) Please don't get in our way!

(Miki Ando serves)

Shuzo Matsuoka: Excuse me--

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It worked, it worked! Shuzo Matsuoka's distracting actions worked! The point difference is one point, 2 to 1!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Oda-kun, Oda-kun--your shoelace.

Nobunari Oda: It's fine.

(Miki Ando serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's in! Oh, into the net! Tied, at 2 to 2!

Figure Skating Team: Yay~!

Noritake Kinashi: Nice play, nice play.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now it's become a good match!

(Noritake Kinashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Kinashi sent a surprise curve, but this also took Ishibashi by surprise!

Narrator: The large ping-pong table wreaked havoc not only with the Tunnels but also the figure skating team, and both sides struggled in this close match. The outcome of this match became completely unpredictable...

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Now, the score is 6 to 8 (in favor of the figure skating team)!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Mikitty, can you speak Russian now?

Miki Ando: A little bit.

Takaaki Ishibashi: How do you say "hello"? How do you say "hello," in Russian?

Miki Ando: "Zdras'tye."

Takaaki Ishibashi: Huh?

Miki Ando: Zdras'tye.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Gra'sheh? Gra'sheh?

Miki Ando: Zdras'tye!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Gra'sheh.

Miki Ando: It's okay, enough of this.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): She will not get into this discussion!

(Takahiko Kozuka serves)

Nobunari Oda: Oh haha, it's in.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's in again!

Takahiko Kozuka: Oh sorry--

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Wow! Good for Kinashi, getting the return in! Ishibashi, Ishibashi--his smash came!

Takahiko Kozuka: So close! Sorry.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Hina-face.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Ishibashi's provocations continue!

Mao Asada: That's terrible. Terrible. (Note: "Hina" is not actually an insult.)

Takaaki Ishibashi: Mikitty, your coach, as expected he's--

Miki Ando: Are you not going to do MojiMoji-Kun anymore?

Takaaki Ishibashi:
What?

Miki Ando: MojiMoji-Kun.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Will you do MojiMoji-Kun next time?

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Psych-outs are returned with psych-outs.

Noritake Kinashi: Will you do Nou-Kabe? Nou-Kabe.

Miki Ando: Yes.

Takaaki Ishibashi: You will?

Mao Asada: Maybe I want to.

Noritake Kinashi: You want to do it?

Miki Ando: I used to watch MojiMoji-Kun all the time when I was little.

Takaaki Ishibashi: Oh really? 'My name is Moji-kun!'

Noritake Kinashi: 'Moji-san!'

Figure Skating Team: Wow! Amazing!

Noritake Kinashi: Will the five of you do our year-end special episode?

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's in!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Okay.

Noritake Kinashi: Heave-ho!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Okay, this time Oda is making sure to get the ball in. Again, Oda...

Shuzo Matsuoka: Get it in the middle, the middle.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's become a long rally. Ando returns it also!

Shuzo Matsuoka: In the middle, in the middle--hit it hard!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's now tied! The Tunnels have tied!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Okay, really, I'm sorry but so far I've never lost to them once, so...

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's true!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Three points, three points.

Noritake Kinashi: Shuzo, do something, Shuzo! You can play too, Shuzo!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Wow! And here, Shuzo Matsuoka has entered!

Takaaki Ishibashi: Come on, come on! You tennis ruin!

Shuzo Matsuoka: We are definitely not going to lose. Don't worry about it if you miss.

Mao Asada, Takahiko Kozuka: Okay.

Takaaki Ishibashi: That person, a long time ago, he hurt his knee at the (1995) US Open and cried.


Shuzo Matsuoka:
Hurry, come on!

Takaaki Ishibashi: "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!"

(Takaaki Ishibashi serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's in--

Shuzo Matsuoka: Wait--!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Was Matsuoka psyched out?

Takaaki Ishibashi: My knee hurts, my knee hurts!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Was Matsuoka psyched out?

Takaaki Ishibashi: My knee hurts!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Was the 1995 US Open too much? (Shuzo Matsuoka serves) Whoa, he got him back! This time, he got him back! It's tied! (Shuzo Matsuoka pretends to serve) Matsuoka feints!

Noritake Kinashi: Be quiet!

(Shuzo Matsuoka serves)

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): He picks it up! It's out.

Takaaki Ishibashi: I'm going to hit to to Mao-chan.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's the Tunnels' match point!

Noritake Kinashi: Hah!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): They have finally arrived at match point! The figure skating team is backed against a wall!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Miki, good luck.

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): It's come! Smash! Into the net!

Shuzo Matsuoka: Nice try, nice try!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): The Tunnels win!


Takaaki Ishibashi: Just in time, just in time.

Noritake Kinashi: We won at ping-pong for the first time!

Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): For the first time, the Tunnels have won!

Takaaki Ishibashi: As expected, this (Yu-Na Kim pose) really worked on everyone.

Noritake Kinashi: Next year, what will we battle?

Figure Skating Team: Figure skating...

Noritake Kinashi: Okay, that's fine. Do you want to see a bit of Takaaki Ishibashi's backwards skating skills? (to Takaaki Ishibashi) First, please go back, starting at the corner.


Shinji Yoshino (Announcer): Oh this is speed skating.

Noritake Kinashi: He's started, how is it? Go backwards from there... he's going backwards!

Daisuke Takahashi: Great!

Noritake Kinashi: He's been doing this in the club room since we were seniors at Teikyo High School.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this translation!

A Thousand Summers said...

You're very welcome! It took what seemed like forever, and was my most involved translation yet, so it's nice to know that it's appreciated :)

Anonymous said...

Yes, thank you for posting this!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the time and effort, much appreciated!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the translation! So much text! Such a funny show!

Artemis said...

Thank you so much for the translation! Wow, such a big job - really grateful!! <3