"What Does Skating Need? Another Tonya Harding" ...Really?

So this article in the New York Times, ostensibly written from Spokane, basically mocks all that is wrong with the state of figure skating today. Longman isn't wrong, really, although I don't necessarily agree with everything that he claims, and regardless his biting criticisms are just funny (if not mean). Below are some of the top lines:

• "Sasha Cohen is scheduled to be here, but she has always been more vamp than victor. She’ll try to reach the Olympics on muscle memory. Very sore muscle memory. One can often find more sustained training for a Fourth of July hot dog eating contest." Hah.
• "Of course, there is the apple-cheeked wholesomeness of Rachael Flatt, a teenage favorite here. But if she skated any slower, the championship would need crossing guards instead of judges. This is supposed to be a skating rink, not a school zone.
  Nice kid, smart, too, but how many times can one listen to stories about advanced placement courses? The eyes glaze over like Zambonied ice."
  
• "My condolences for the passing of your onetime bodyguard, Shawn Eckardt, whose résumé was as exotic as James Bond’s, and just as fictitious." I actually don't know anything about this Shawn Eckardt guy, but who could let this line go?
  
• "Ah, Johnny. At least we have his idiosyncrasies to warm our hearts. Remember the costume he described as “a Care Bear on acid”? One can only hope he will keep up the delicious weirdness."

I didn't post these quotes to be mean... but they're just too funny. And no, figure skating does not need another Tonya Harding.

I can't wait until this weekend!