Sunday, August 8, 2010

04.19.2010 SMAPxSMAP: 本当にあった恋の話 Part 1、小林姉妹

Yeah, these are kind of addictive. This post is going to be in the order that they are presented:
1. Oh 草彅剛. You always seem to get stuck with the roles that sort of make everyone sad, but also make everyone feel like you are most pathetic. The relationship starts with the typical caring-friend-helps-girl-through-breakup-and-becomes-boyfriend. They seem happy and everything, but one night while they are in a bar (which curiously is empty of all other customers), an aura-surrounded man walks in. Of course it's 木村拓哉--while the casting is brilliant I wonder if the members get offended? Haha--and all of a sudden the girl wants to leave. Her boyfriend is confused but he gets up to leave with her, but the man asks "Are you leaving because of me?" Damn, the nerve. It is eventually revealed that he is the girl's ex-boyfriend (really, did it take this long to figure out?), and he grabs her and kisses her. He then begins confessing his love for her, and promises to change all that he was to blame for in their previous relationship, and asks for her back. Throughout all this the actual boyfriend is just standing there in silent shock. Unbelievably, the girl nods, and the soon-to-be not-ex-boyfriend sticks out his hand. Even more unbelievably, the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend shakes it. He is also stuck with the bill for all three drinks. Now really, come on. I realize this is a shocking situation but has this guy got no guts? Sure, the girl is tactless--it's fine to break up with someone for someone else, but at least talk about it privately first or something--but the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend doesn't even put up a fight. So lame. Score: 5 It would be higher if he'd tried harder.

2. This story kind of confused me, but I think the upshot is that this crazy lady has affairs with various men in her office in order to make them do what she wants, thereby furthering her own career. At first she is with a salt-and-peppered (I really love hyphens today) 香取慎吾, who is cheating on his wife and finally decides that enough is enough. He tries to break up with this crazy lady, who says that she's fine with the breakup and will promptly return all of the jewelry and lingerie she received to his wife. Of course he can't have that, so he quickly changes his mind--and she smiles demonically. "Don't make me sad," she warns. Cut to a company meeting, where he and she are on opposing sides, both trying to push their respective product ideas to the boss. Both groups make valid arguments, but just as the guy is about to make some emphatic point, she coughs, ever so slightly--and he backs down. In fact he goes further than that: he decides to actually support the other idea. Everyone is in shock, and he is eventually demoted. Fast forward a while, and a similar meeting occurs again, this time with 稲垣吾郎 as the head of his division. He too tries to make a point in defense of his team's product idea when the same demonic lady coughs, and he backtracks on his idea. Solution? Don't have an affair. Score: 4

3. As if the cough lady weren't crazy enough, we next get Revenge of the Blogger's Girlfriend. A guy maintains a blog as a hobby, writing reviews of movies and restaurants and books, and has a devoted girlfriend. One night he mentions that his boss is having an affair with one of the office girls, but promises his girlfriend that he would never do anything like that to her because he would never want to make her sad. However, he meets a girl in his office that he grows to like (she's played by 南明奈, who after a long while is starting to grow on me too), and he breaks up with his current girlfriend. His timing is a little cowardly (who breaks up with a girl as she's about to leave?), but all in all he is honest. This is when the creepy craziness first starts to appear: she declares that while they may be broken up, she will love him forever. Stalkerish start appearing on his blog, including one that counts the hours that he and his new girlfriend have been together, and finally he decides to shut down his blog altogether. Some time later his co-worker remarks that his blog is up and running again, but this time with more personal details about his life and relationship. Of course he isn't the one who resurrected his blog--it's the ex-girlfriend. I'm not sure how she got in (maybe she guessed his password? Or just recreated his blog on a different URL?), but she starts revealing all of the gossip he about his office that he had shared with her previously, and posting details about his dates with his girlfriend. It's unclear as to whether she's stalking them on their dates or just making them up, but either way it's MESSED UP. There's no real resolution to this story, though. Score: 7...

4. This guy (poor 稲垣吾郎!) is OCD about finances, or rather sharing things fairly and equally. Well, more fairly than equally. Basically this girl is initially attracted to his sense of 律儀, but this all goes to hell when she moves him with him. In the first scene of their living together, he holds up a milk carton and senses that it is lighter than he had left it--and asks his girlfriend if she had had any. Yes, this morning, she answers. He reminds her that they split all the finances in the apartment, including food. This is my milk, he says. To appease him she offers to pay for half the milk, thinking (obviously) that he'll decline, but he comes back with 「132円」 or some price like that. And so she pays for half the milk. Later she is asked whether she used his conditioner (3 pumps! How on earth did he know?) and buys the entire thing from him, while he apologizes that he is making her buy a used bottle. Right. You can solve that by not making her pay for it. The final straw comes when he starts timing her blow-dryer use, saying that it had come to his attention that in fact she used more than half the electricity bill. She stays up later than he does, charges her phone at home, and uses a blow dryer. He's even worked out the proper ratio. The girlfriend finally breaks up with him, but it's not over--she gets an itemized bill in the mail, which includes the cost of writing and sending the actual bill. Classic. It's hard for me to get worked up over this as a love story, though, because this isn't a poor reflection on him as a boyfriend, but rather as a person/personality. He didn't do these things in order to hurt her or for his own selfish ends (other than the money, but I mean in the sense of taking the easy way out), but because he actually believes in this kind of lifestyle. Score: 4

5. This one might actually be worse than it seemed because it was so funnily acted, and I think it probably is really bad, and I do feel for the girl. Anyway, her boyfriend of three years, who seems to have everything going for him (thoughtfulness, good job, attractive...) proposes to her and she accepts, although she mentions that he will have to get through her extremely strict father first. At this point it vaguely occurs to me that this boyfriend couldn't possibly be played by 中居正広, but I sort of let that slide. At first the father is opposed even to the idea of meeting his daughter's potential husband, but she points out to him that while she may be his precious daughter she is also a woman of her own. He relents and agrees to meet her boyfriend/fiancé, but is very intimidating from the start. In fact the best part of this might have been 伊東四郎 as the dad. Damn. SO SCARY. He is a freaking good actor. When the guy asks for permission to marry his daughter, the father starts on a very terrifying speech about how he raised his daughter on his own from when she was 3, and cannot simply hand her over to a man he just met. Apparently this speech was generally just for show--you know, to prove a point and test the guy a little, which is really understandable--but it was all too convincing for the boyfriend, who flees. Ahaha why is 中居正広 always escaping? The casting got a little more understandable here. The father realizes what he has done and calls after him, saying that he can marry his daughter after all, but the boyfriend isn't having any of it and flees from the house, shoeless, muttering to himself about what a crazy family this is. The father, meanwhile, is simply just like 「ゴメンね、、、ウソ!」. Hysterical. Sad and O_O, yes, but hysterical. I mean, what happened to his declarations of love? What kind of fair-weather boyfriend is he? Score: 7? 8? (Also, this makes me think... if I ever get married, that guy is going to have A LOT of flaming hoops to jump through. Whoever you are, out there... I apologize in advance for my own dad.)

There's a temporary break for Bistro SMAP. Oh, how I've missed you! I'm not a huge fan of 小林麻央 and I don't know her sister at all, but whatever. (I'm always surprised that 小林麻央 is the younger one... is that why I don't like her? She doesn't act like it?)


Their dresses leave much to be desired, but...

Ahaha. まず小林麻央アナと市川海老蔵さんの交際と結婚の話を少ししました。前に海老蔵さんがこの番組に出た時、中居さんが「婚約して大丈夫なの?」と聞いたらしいです。ww 何か余計なお世話、何か面白い。でも、たった四ヶ月のお付合いで婚約したと言ってました。凄い!



Add Image


LOL I have no words

木村さんが思わず「吾郎超普通だね」ww カニ蔵さんは全く手伝おうとはしませんでした。タルトが超可愛いかったです!じつは「モンブラン」は栗ではなくて、じゃがいもでした。


Now, back to「本当にあった恋の話」...
6. This guy (草彅剛)falls in love at first sight with the presumable daughter of a florist. (By the way, 板東英二 is totally adorable as the florist.) He continues to return to the florist's, and the first time she tells some sad tale about how lilies are her favorite flowers, but that they're always left over at the end of the day. The guy pays 20,000 yen (!) to buy them all off of her. He again returns a different day, and she tells a similar story about the carnations. This time he pays 40,000 yen (!!) to buy all of the remaining carnations. These ridiculous purchases continue, and on her birthday he decides to go for broke (literally) and asks to buy all of the flowers in the store. He then offers the flowers back to her as a gift, and she happily accepts as the florist reappears, saying 「素敵なお誕生日になったな」 to which she responds, 「有難う、、、あなた。」Turns out they're MARRIED! Good god. I suppose it's birds of a feather--they just totally lack morals altogether. (中居正広 says that there was no particular ill will or desire to dupe here, but I STRONGLY disagree. Only an imbecile would not pick up on what buying all those flowers meant... the marriage should have been revealed much earlier!) And think of all of the money the poor guy lost! 草彅剛's face is priceless here. Score: 8

7. This one was awesome because 香取慎吾 is ridiculous-looking, with hairpieces and boldly printed shirts. Anyway, a friend of his (稲垣吾郎), is dating this girl who also happens to be friends with the ridiculous guy. However, she has been cheating on him, and boyfriend wants to go face-to-face with the other guy so they can straighten things out. This is impossible, his flamboyant friend informs him, because... there are THREE other guys, all of whom were in the dark about the others. Feeling (somewhat) bad, she says that she will break up with all of them, but the four guys make her choose between them. In a typically cowardly manner, she says she will choose by Rock, Paper, Scissors. Umm. And yeah, I know it's bad to cheat (I really do, I am not making light of this at all), but this story just seems so typical of people who do cheat that I'm not particularly surprised or horrified by this story. Score: 6

8. Right off the bat gender roles are out in full force. I don't mind, necessarily, but 木村拓哉 is sitting on a couch reading a magazine while his girlfriend plays with a flower arrangement, and he asks her where dinner is. Hm. Apparently she's recently become very into feng shui, and not only spends all of her spare time following its decorating rules but also attributes all good happenings to it. In a most irritating turn, she forces her boyfriend to follow its rules as well (a yellow tie?!) and gets very upset that he seems to see her as a stupid woman who has fallen for feng shui. Which, well, she is. I mean, really... she's sending her boyfriend out into his workplace looking ridiculous. Even 木村拓哉 can barely pull it off. Anyway, while wearing this yellow tie, he gets the news that he might be transferred. His girlfriend immediately freaks out, saying that it's the new month and that yellow is out and that she neglected to give him his new pink tie, which obviously would have prevented such a transfer. Right. Except, it's not just a tie. It's also a SUIT. The boyfriend dutifully wears everything to work (there is really no way to pull this off) and everyone is not-so-discreetly laughing at him, but he receives the news that all talk of his transfer is off. Could it be?! He happily goes home to deliver the news and attributes it to feng shui, when she says that they must break up. Her feng shui teacher has informed her that she will never be truly happy if she stays with him. Oh, and PS, he doesn't look good in pink. Look dude, I REALLY admire your patience and I wish all guys were so accommodating to their girlfriends, but she is a total loon. You are way better off without her. If you kept wearing suits like that you would have probably been fired anyway. Score: 5? 6?

9. 中居正広 is back to his usual sort of character, who casually springs a proposal on his girlfriend in an 居酒屋. I'm sure he'd thought of it beforehand, but there was no romance to it (or a ring, although I guess that's not always the norm in Japanese proposals anyway), but it seemed very offhand and she tells him that it seems he's just asking under the influence of alcohol. He therefore decides that he will come up with the proposal of a lifetime. How sweet. Except not. Two weeks later, after he drives her home from a date, he calls her back to the car, saying she forgot something: an engagement ring. He doesn't even bother to get out of the car or anything, and just sticks out the ring with one hand through the open passenger seat window. He's clearly thought about this, yes, but no surprise, while she is really happy, she says that as a proposal is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, she wants it to be a little bit more romantic. Okay, at this point I can see where this is headed. So he tries a third time, this time getting reservations at an extremely fancy restaurant. The lights dim, and a lighting display appears on the tablecloth between them with the proposal written out against a pink heart and two angels. At this point not only I but the entire studio gasps in appreciation and wonder. He draws out a huge box (well huge for a ring), which not only contains the ring but red tissue with sparkly balls around it. Instead of answering, she says that she is so shocked by the gesture that she needs to go to the bathroom to fix her makeup. While he waits for her to return, a sorry-looking waiter insistently hands him what looks like a menu. He finally opens it up, and finds a WRITTEN REJECTION inside. Apparently she doesn't and can't consider him as a future husband. Unbelievable. Talk about leading someone on. A bunch of guests blamed the guy for not picking up on things at the second proposal, but no. Just no. Score: 10

10. The story starts when a guy (香取慎吾) starts dating his best friend's (草彅剛) crush. Okay no. Poor 草彅剛. Always has girls stolen from right under his nose. The relationship lasts all of two months, and the friendship is never repaired. Many years have passed since then and he has a wife, but these memories still haunt him. This wife, by the way, has a suspicious habit of going out at night. One night, his former best friend calls him, and it takes him an absurdly long time to realize who it is. They meet up at the same place as their old hangout, the same table--what drama! what coincidence!--and they awkwardly catch up. The guy can't stop apologizing even though his former best friend says it's all in the past, and says that he has a girlfriend that he's actually currently ditching. Just then he gets a text from this girlfriend, asking him to hurry up, and he shows the guy the picture of this girlfriend. Of course it's his wife! OMG I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. I've been watching too many of these at once, because some of these endings are becoming far too obvious. I mean, come on. I detected this the moment the guy went behind his best friend's back to steal the girl. Ugh. What goes around, comes around. Oh, except the former best friend knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Revenge really is a dish best served cold, no? SO EVIL. This score is for the former best friend, not the wife. Score: 9

P.S. I don't usually mind 松嶋尚美, but her attitude to these stories... really? What has she been through? Or what are her morals? Sigh. She FREAKED OUT over story #8 though.

And by the way... I'm going to win, world, so don't you even dare. I mean it this time.

No comments: