I'm writing this as I load the next set of stories, so I only have five to go on so far, but damn. The number of total assholes in this world is overwhelming. Apparently they aren't somehow concentrated in my vicinity--they are EVERYWHERE. It sort of makes you feel better about things, you know. (The scores are mine, since I tended to vehemently disagree with some people on the show.)
I think the one that really takes the cake was the first one, in which the guy is played by poor 稲垣吾郎. Now, my sympathy only goes so far because he is the best suited for this role, and he is sort of the most unfortunate member anyway (my parents forgot he existed and temporarily thought SMAP had 4 members), but still. Anyway, the story goes something like this:
This couple had been living together for three years, and presumably dating for longer than that. The boyfriend is temporarily relocated to Osaka. The girlfriend is upset, of course, but is all supportive and even tries to go to Osaka with him to help him move, but he refuses her offers. And so she continues to live in their apartment, calling him and sending him e-mails, even though all of her attempts to visit him are rebuffed and her calls seem to be short-lived. One day, she's in a store and finds these incense sticks that he loves, and calls to tell him about it. He acts all happy about it and she says she'll buy a bunch for him for when he gets back, but then she turns around and sees her boyfriend in the same store with her... with another girl. Her confrontation (at least in this reenactment) was awesome, and her ability to walk away and never see him again was empowering too (well, I guess it helps to be able to reflect on it and eliminate all the other not-so-empowering emotions, but still). It turns out that he had been living 15 minutes away the whole time. Score: 10
I have to say that I was waiting for a conclusion like this to happen... but HONESTLY. They'd been living together for three years! And he didn't even have the guts to discuss their relationship problems with her (if there were any, other than that he got bored or something), couldn't break up with her, and hid! GOD. At least 稲垣吾郎 had the decency to look ashamed. And at least he didn't announce his new girlfriend or flaunt her. SERIOUSLY?
The other four stories were not as offensive (in vague order of offensiveness):
1. A guy who was cheating on his wife obtains a divorce to be with his girlfriend, except his girlfriend simultaneously breaks up with him to marry someone else and enter a real relationship. He then goes after and marries his ex-girlfriend's good friend so that he can see his ex. This is really creepy to me and I feel terrible for his actual wife, but for some reason this level of dishonesty doesn't quite resonate with me (yet?). Besides, the one who submitted this story was the ex, so it's hard to get worked up about this when the actual wife hasn't reacted. Score: 8
2. 中居正広 was great because all through the skit, all of the other members kept remarking about how like him his role really was. This doesn't reflect very well on him (lol), but I can see what they mean. Anyway, his character is a very stereotypical guy who cares only about his interests (which seem to be limited to video games and sports on TV), and spends little to no quality time with his girlfriend at all. She senses that after only a month together, he already seems bored, and says that they should break up. He agrees, but she has one condition: he has to actually break up with her, officially, and say those words. Reasonable? I think so. Except this guy, surprisesurprise, doesn't even have the guts (or maturity or sensitivity or whatever) to do this, and instead brings her to a café. Out of nowhere appears one of the guy's friends, and the boyfriend proceeds to set up his girlfriend with his friend. With the introductions out of the way, he flees the café. Wow. I mean, what a freaking COWARD. A relationship isn't all fun and exciting; a relationship spans everything, beginning with the initial excitement and (potentially) ending with a parting of ways and a dealing with (negative) emotions. If you can't handle a relationship from its beginning to its end, then you don't deserve to be in a relationship at all. I realize this disqualifies many people from having relationships, but really? I was annoyed that some people here thought that this was a better way to end things than to lay it out in black and white, but I disagree. Score: 7
3. This third story, featuring the ever-attractive 木村拓哉 (okay, I'm not an actual fan, and I was sort of against him until I realized he voiced Howl--his voice was amazing in that), was weird and a little creepy. Basically, this girl falls for an employee of a karaoke place where her mother also works, but her mother warns her against him, saying that he has a bad history with girls. The daughter ignores her mother's warnings and starts going out with him anyway, and is discovered when her mother shows up at the karaoke place outside of her regular work hours. A small confrontation ensues, during which it is revealed that the guy is actually the MOTHER'S BOYFRIEND. What. the. HELL. That is so messed up on so many levels, but I'm not sure who to blame (most). Score: 6
4. This girl decides that in order to keep her relationship with her boyfriend from stagnating, she will institute a point system. That is, every time he does something that bothers or annoys her, she will text him (even if they are sitting across from each other!), naming the offense and the number of points deducted. For example: 「ナイフを落した。−５点」. Seriously. The boyfriend still seems to be into her regardless, and instead of breaking up with her he starts modifying his behaviors to fit all of her deductions. Kind of cute, kind of sad. He finally gets to a point where he basically does nothing and has no personality, and one day at dinner the girlfriend texts him: 「詰まらない。−１００点」 or something like that, then follows that text with 「持ち点がなくなった。ゲームオーバー」 and leaves him right then and there. This probably amused me far more than it should have, but it's just so ridiculous--the guy totally needed to leave her before she left him! This is why my sympathy is limited. Unfortunately for 草彅剛, for whom my affections have waned since I saw him assign some forgivingly low score to the first story (but curiously, not after he was arrested for being naked in a park lol), he seemed to fit this role quite well. This story is more unbelievable than it is offensive per se. Score: 4
Well, that's people for you. Also, I forgot to think about the Bistro part of this, which featured ペケポン and their うどん／和風デザート order.
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